Robbed of Love

I've just had my second session of therapy. It's all a bit surreal to me that it is even happening. I hurt so bad over the fact that I don't feel like I deserve to have this opportunity.

I don't know what to call the fact that people seem to take advantage of me. Am I that naive to think that people should actually operate on a level playing ground of decency. And then when I do try to stand up and be heard, on the inside I feel like a child again, hoping that someone will just believe in me enough to hear what I am saying.

I'm 32 now. I shouldn't have to feel this way...but I do.

Every time I see a picture of a father holding a child's hand recently I get all choked up. Sing in church, I've put my soul in a place where I am looking up to my Father, and then I can only get out two words before I bow my head and run from the eruption of emotion that I feel welling up. At least I know that something is there.

I contemplate whether or not I want this healing for me, or for my family and friends. Of course, my initial reaction is to do it for them, because of course, there is no point in doing it for myself.

I was molested as a child. It was chalked up as, "That's just the way she is..." I wasn't traumatized by the abuse, but what happened to me was given any weight either. I think I've just gotten used to that.

I've been robbed of love.