It's been a couple weeks since I last updated my adventures in being shrunk.
It has been a good experience. Though I have to say that some of the early assessments into the depths of my soul were not correct. I am happy that these assessments are incorrect and that I know that. When some people were telling me that the reason that I am the way that I am because I am 'self-centered and in love with myself', not only was I confused, because I didn't feel that love for myself, but I felt like that much bigger of a jerk for being so self-absorbed that could even see it.
It turns out, that self-absorbsion is the furthest thing from where I am. In fact, I am terrified to let myself be heard, or seen for who I really am. In my mind, I know that I am pretty loved by you, but I am afraid to show you how good that makes me feel, because I don't feel love-able.
This may not make a lot of sense to you, because on the outside I look cool, calm and collected, but if you only knew. I have plenty of places to hide. But, I am trying not too. Talk to me about it, I want you too.
1 comment:
its such a hard place to live. in the midst of people who love you so much and the place where you hide inside.
feeling loveable is hard. especially when the lie has taken root deep. i know where that lie is in me, its in every fake smile, every forced laugh, every waking moment that i don't feel glad to be alive. i think the most important thing i have learned in killing the lie within me is that God is big enough, and God cares enough, and God thinks i'm worth loving, i just have to go to him.
One verse that has been very comforting and encouraging for me is Isaiah 30:18 So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. (NLT)
Post a Comment